I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Come see our sink grown plant.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
