i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
