so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
