so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
