oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
