Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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