I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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