I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
