In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
