Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
