Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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