It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
