I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
