i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
