Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
