I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
