These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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