New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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