Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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