Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
