I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
