hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
