she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
