Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
