I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
