Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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