I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
