I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
