i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
