I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
