I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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