i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
