Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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