a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
