dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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