Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
