Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
