You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
