I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
