So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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