I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
