...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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