we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
