i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
