I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
