U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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