We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
