Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
