smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
