is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
