i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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