I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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