I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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